My Bella
by Girl With The Dandelion
Summary: Funny how one moment you feel like you cannot possibly fail, and the next realizing that with your success, you have failed miserably.


I can't do this. How did I even come up with this ridiculous plan? There was absolutely no way on this green Earth it was going to work. There has to be another option. But, as I watched the only one I had ever loved, I knew I had to. My life would be ruined, but at least Bella would still have a life to live.

"Bella, we're leaving."

She looked confused, but not scared or upset. I hate myself. Her gorgeous eyes scanned mine for the missing link.

"Why now? Another year.."

Thank God I have no tears. The foolish things would have betrayed my mission. My goal to protect the only one worth protecting. My Bella, though, she wouldn't be my Bella for long, not if I hurt her like I planned.

"Bella, it's time. How much longer…"

I continued with my pathetic lie, all the while forming a new plan, for I knew, I just _knew_ Bella would see through this concoction, this wretched charade.

She was completely observant. She fought me on this "decision", refusing to stay without me. I wanted to shout, no, scream the truth.

"Bella, I don't want you coming with me."

I ruined it. I waited for the laugh, the realization to dawn over her perfect features. Instead, she repeated my cold false words,

"You don't want me?"

My imagination cooked up what I wanted so desperately to happen. To hold Bella, console her; inform her of my ploy to save her.

"No."

My heart was gone, metaphorically. To see her face, though somewhat serene and calm, I could detect the sorrow rolling off of her. Surely she would sense mine as well.

"Don't do this"

The next words would be the death of me. Bella would either surely see through my guise, or in the unlikely event that she believed me, I would have to carry through with the heartache, the never ending agony sure to follow.

"You're not good for me, Bella."

I tired not to wince. Just saying the words was painful; I could only imagine what hearing them was like. It didn't matter though. Bella would know.

I nodded when Bella agreed, too stunned to say anything. How could she believe that? Bella had to know she was the utter depiction of perfection! I nearly voiced these thoughts aloud, if not for the fact I was the one who convinced her of the worst lie imaginable.

I cannot believe it worked. She believed me! And even though I brought this upon her, upon myself, I so desperately wished that I could travel back to just a few moments before, so that I could avoid this scenario. Funny how one moment you feel like you cannot possibly fail, and the next realizing that with your success, you have failed miserably.

I made her promise her safety. By then I was dropping hints, anything to get her to see my ruse without totally abandoning my cause.

"Goodbye Bella."

**Six Months Later**

Rosalie's words repeated over and over and over again in my head, and what a way with words she had.

_She's dead Edward. She killed herself, flung herself off of some cliff. What a selfish insignificant wench._

After my conversation with that stupid boy Jacob, I hopped onto the first flight to Europe. I was in luck when I realized it was heading for Italy. I didn't even care that I was on the way to my death. Figuratively, I am dead. I have been for six months, but now, it was the death blow hitting me all over again, ten times more powerful. I was going to Italy to die, and I did not care one bit about what anyone else thought of it. I didn't care how hurt or saddened they, my family, would be. I honestly did not care. Of course, I loved them, and I always would until the day I died, which would hopefully be sooner rather than later, but I also knew none of them could understand even remotely how it felt to lose the only one they loved.

"Time heals all wounds." I had said that in my departure. Nothing could heal this wound, especially time. Time only made it worse, tearing away at me from the inside out. I'd become a useless waste of skin, a nuisance. I was better off dead than alive regardless.

That night, that horrible night, I carried on with my plan, and in the end I did what I had started off to do. I left. But, I was so sure that Bella could move on, that she could do what I could not. She was always stronger than me. I thought she could be fixed, after all my Bella is invincible. Was invincible. She is gone now. Dead. Because of me. She killed herself, because I killed her. I have done what I imbecilely tried to avoid. I destroyed Bella internally, and she finished the job. And I am going to join her in eternal slumber as soon as I can. I killed the only one worth protecting. My love. My Bella.


End file.
